Rides, Rallies and Events Recap

Sparks America Halloween Biker Bash

Written by  November 30, 2005

If you were Tony Ward, and you were planning the perfect biker Halloween party, what would you include? How about 3,000 bikers, around 70 vendors, constant entertainment featuring great music and numerous bike and people games, a radical costume contest, a bike show, and even a mystery? Tony threw in all of those elements and more when the Sparks America Campground near Sparks, Oklahoma, opened its gates for its annual three-day Halloween biker bash beginning on October 21. Admission was $30 for the weekend and $60 for RV spots, and no one under 21 was allowed in. This party is definitely adult oriented, and those who take offense at nudity would be offended early and often.

I arrived late Thursday afternoon and pitched my tent. Then I wandered over to the vendor area where I found a number of friends I had met at previous Sparks events. I spent the evening visiting and listening to live music. The bands performing during the weekend were Low Water Crossing, Southern Junkies, Miss Amy, and on Saturday night a group that the event flyers described as “a superb band that we have agreed not to name and you will not want to miss!!!” More about this mystery performance later.

Friday was cooler than forecast, remaining overcast most of the day, but that did not stop the bikers from having a great time watching or competing in bike and people games that began mid-to-late morning and continued until late afternoon. During the entire weekend, entertainment was constant. The bike and trike games included a keyhole race, keg roll, balloon toss, wienie bite, barrel race, slow ride (solo and two-up), cherry bite, straw in a bottle, tater in the haystack, tire drags, and blind man’s buff (trike only), just to name a few. A few of the non-bike contests were a dizzy race wherein each competitor spins in a circle around a baseball bat and then tries to run to the finish line, keg toss, rooster toss (don’t ask, see photo), hula hoop, topless hula hoop, panty race, panty swim, the frozen panties game, and the newlywed game. That last one is especially hilarious to watch, and the couples who compete always have a blast. The guy is blindfolded and provided with a plumber’s helper (plunger) that he holds between his legs, handle to the front. The gal gets a roll of toilet paper to place between her legs. The objective is for the gal to verbally direct the guy so that he can insert his handle through the hole in her t.p. roll. You now have all of the information you need to figure out why this is called the newlywed game. During the Friday bike games, Tina volunteered to be my partner for the two-up events. She has lots of bike rodeo experience, and we were a competitive duo. Thanks, Tina. On Friday evening, the music was great, and lots of bikers wore their Halloween costumes. Body artwork was also on display, and lots of “boobie beads” were being earned and proudly worn.

Saturday got off to a great start with warmer weather and a terrific bike show. Lots of sweet two-wheelers and trikes were proudly displayed by their owners. The winner of the Best in Show award was a radical 2005 War Eagle custom built by Coyote’s Chopper Shop in Lawton, Oklahoma. Jim Wiley, Jeff Drake, and Nathan Murril are pictured with the award-winning scoot in the lead photo on the awards page. The bike features a really cool paint job, the work of Chris Dryden from Walters, Oklahoma.

Following the bike show, the games resumed. My new partner for the day was Kim from Tulsa. Despite being new to bike rodeo, Kim did a great job, and we had lots of fun. Her first-ever attempt at a wienie bite was highly successful,and she missed out on an event win by what must have been mere millimeters. Tina’s new partner was the Picture Man who had arrived to take photos for his website and to enjoy the party.

The tire drags were exciting as always. In this race, the passenger first downs a can of beer. Then he jumps aboard a tire attached by a rope to the rear of his buddy’s bike. His pal then proceeds to drag him through the grass at maximum possible speed for about 50 yeards. One beer would not be nearly enough to get me to try that! I’m told it doesn’t hurt as much after several rounds of competition.

One of the more popular non-bike games is the “titty slide.” A long strip of plastic is laid out with padding under the starting end. The slide is hosed down to make it slick, and the female competitors, wearing little or no clothing, cover themselves with oil. Each girl in turn takes a run and dives head first onto the slide, hoping to achieve maximum possible distance. At first, the slide was oriented with the start at the uphill end. This turned out to be too easy, so the start was moved to the downhill end to make it more difficult to slide off the far end. Fortunately, there were no injuries other than possibly a few cases of eyestrain among the spectators.

During one intermission between Saturday afternoon games, a couple entertained themselves by attempting to accomplish an escape act. One of the bikers had tied a three-foot rope between the guy’s wrists and another between the gal’s wrists with the two ropes crossed in the middle so that they intertwined. The biker stated that there is a way to escape without untying either rope. Taking him at his word, this couple tried every way they could think of to get loose. Soon the crowd became aware of what was going on, and the couple was encouraged to move to the middle of the “playground” where everyone could watch. They continued to try various different positions and moves, some of which would have made a contortionist proud, but to no avail. The crowd shouted suggestions, but nothing worked. When the couple finally admitted defeat, the biker who had issued the challenge moved on, taking his ropes and his escape secret with him.

Plaques were awarded in various categories including longest hair (men and women), longest beard (men only), oldest rider, and longest ride to Sparks. I talked to Chris Davis and Bob Duncanson who shared the long distance prize. They had traveled a little over 1,000 miles from Duluth and Burnsville, Minnesota, respectively. They left freezing temperatures at home, but endured 500 miles of rain in Iowa and Kansas. Both rode Harley-Davidson Ultra Classics. It was Chris’ first visit to Sparks and Bob’s second. Both expressed enthusiasm about making the long trek again for future Sparks events.

Tony must spend hours coming up with new things to amuse the bikers. This time there was a prize for the best “party cart.” The task was to get from point A to point B on a golf cart or similar vehicle loaded with as many people as possible. The challenge was answered by a group of 24 bikers, many of them nude or semi-nude women, who piled aboard a mighty Kawasaki 3010 Mule. The driver would have needed a periscope to see where he was going, but it didn’t matter. The prize was won.

Gorgeous Stacy circulated through the crowd selling the 2006 Iron Angels Calendar featuring cool bikes and hot women. Jessica and Sonya were available to pose for photos with bikers and/or their bikes. Their fee was directly proportional to the amount of skin they revealed.

The men’s and women’s Halloween costume contest entrants wore some pretty clever and, in some cases, revealing outfits. One biker in the crowd was dismayed to see a giant chicken on stage. A Tyson employee, he had come to Sparks to get away from chickens.

Late Saturday evening, a huge crowd gathered in front of the stage. There was much speculation about who the “mystery performer” might be. A few minutes after the scheduled time, musicians took their positions. As the music started, the feature performer burst onto the stage. He looked and sounded a lot like Hank Williams, Jr. Whether this man was the genuine Bocephus or an imposter, he and his band absolutely kicked ass for a couple of hours! The crowd was really into the music, and I doubt that anyone was disappointed.

On Sunday morning, it was time for me to return to Kansas City. The weather had become cool again, and there was a little moisture in the air. Before hitting the road, I said goodbye to the Picture Man, J.W., Kim, Amy, and as many other friends as I could find. Then I stopped by the office to tell Tony goodbye and drop off a check for the Maria Ward Foundation I was bummed that my schedule required me to leave before Sunday’s games. I’m sure I missed out on another wild afternoon. If you have never been to Sparks, you really need to check it out. There are several events held there every year. Watch for updates in Tony’s Cycle Connections ad and in our calendar of events.

Be sure to check out the Sparks Awards page for pics of event winners.

Story and photos by Stripe