Biker Halloween at Sparks America - Sparks, Oklahoma
| Based on the forecast, I was not optimistic about the weekend weather for the annual Sparks America Halloween bash, but I knew that it would be a good party, rain or shine. When I arrived late Thursday afternoon, the wet weather had not yet moved in. During the night, the wind came up and the rain began. By noon Friday, the rain had passed for the time being, but the playground was much too wet and soft for bike games. Fortunately, Sparks America’s games master, Robert, was ready with a bunch of crazy “people games.” Contests started off with Twinkie Eating and Nipple Licking. Then there was a Dildo Relay with team members passing their dildo down the line without touching it with their hands. The next contest was called Buff the Woody. A plumber’s helper with the handle painted black was held between one partner’s legs while the other partner’s objective was to use sandpaper to remove as much of the paint as possible within the given time limit. The 6-Inch Game had one partner rolling a condom onto a plunger once again held between the other partner’s legs. The object was to roll the condom out to a length of exactly 6 inches. “The Naked Man” used a micrometer to determine the winning team. The Tampon Race was a relay with the tampon held between the first partner’s legs while running to the other partner who held it between his teeth for the run back to the start/finish line. Tug-of-War, Pickle Licking, Topless Hula Hoop, and Men’s and Women’s Keg Toss contests followed. The Newlywed Game involved the uniting of a blindfolded partner’s plunger with the other partner’s roll of toilet paper. An air mattress was inflated on stage for the Sex Position Game, a contest to see which couple (clothed) could get into the most sexual positions in a minute.
When the sky was clear enough, helicopter rides were available throughout the weekend. Those who took advantage of the opportunity got a great aerial view of Sparks America Campground, but the too-familiar sound of rotor blades chopping the air caused some discomfort among Vietnam vets in attendance, stirring up bad memories.
Partiers enjoyed live music Friday evening, and additional entertainment was provided by pole dancers on the small stripper stage next to the main stage. There was plenty of airbrushed body art on display, and Halloween costumes were worn by many.
After another rainy night, Saturday morning began with a bike show. The people games were repeated, and there was a tattoo contest with some very fine skin art on display. The judge had a tough task in selecting the best in two men’s and two women’s categories as well as best overall.
An idiom sometimes used to describe nasty, wet weather is “fine weather for ducks.” In that case, one rider that must have enjoyed the weather conditions was Aflac, a 4-year-old pet duck that rides with Preston Pitka on his mini-bike. I’ve seen all kinds of riding pets, but this is the first time I have seen a duck on a bike. Aflac was named by Preston’s daughter and has been with the family since he hatched. He rides in a car, truck, and on a Harley Softail as well as the “pit bike” I saw at Sparks. He rides on the big bike up to 70 miles per hour as long as the windshield is attached. Aflac wears a vest and harness when he rides. When at rallies, he sleeps next to Preston in his tent. Aflac is trained to give high-fives, kisses, and hugs and play with women’s nipples. He eats a variety of food and likes alcohol and beer. Preston describes Aflac as being very loyal. He likes being around people, but doesn’t like to have his head touched. Preston, also known as 'Duckman,' travels as a vendor to at least 20 rallies each year in Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama. He details bikes (washes, waxes, polishes chrome, conditions leather, and removes rust). He expects to introduce a line of clothing in the near future.
On Saturday evening, there was more music and a costume contest. Gals representing the Golden Pony Casino threw T-shirts to the crowd and handed out certificates for lots of free gaming at the casino, a new Sparks sponsor.
Sparks America events are always a blast, even if the weather is occasionally uncooperative. Here’s a partial 2011 schedule:
June 16-26 - Oklahoma Bike Week
More information is available on the Sparks America website .
Article and photos by Stripe