2010 Grand River Autumn Rally - Urich, Missouri

Todd Talley, former owner of the popular biker bar Fathead & Braindeads Saloon in Grandview, Missouri decided to throw caution to the wind and follow his dreams. He sold his bar, purchased 80 acres of land in Urich, Missouri, and invested a small fortune to develop the property so motorcycle enthusiasts here in the Midwest would have a place to go to cut loose, get crazy, and listen to great music. Between bands, rally-goers are able to participate in fun biker games and shop at the many food and vendors booths that surround the largest beer garden I've ever seen, which was sponsored by the Clinton, Missouri Elks Lodge #1034.

Those of you who were fortunate enough to attend the 2010 Grand River Summer Rally know exactly what I'm talking about. The summer rally was so much fun, Todd decided to do it again this fall by hosting the 2010 Grand River Autumn Rally, which took place September 24-26.

The gates opened at noon, and like the summer rally, the autumn rally featured some of the best local and national bands I've ever heard. On Friday evening, Todd welcomed everyone to the rally and the Fuse Band kicked things off. Around 9 p.m., Mercy Pearl, a Janis Joplin tribute band, took the stage, followed by the Mr and Ms Grand River Autumn Rally Contest, which got just a little out of control. Jessica from Columbus, Kansas was crowned Ms Grand River Autumn Rally, and some brave and slightly intoxicated guy whose name I didn't catch was crowned Mr Grand River Autumn. Once the contest had finished, Stevie Ray Vaughn tribute band Soul to Soul took the stage and rocked the crowd well into the night.

Like all big rallies, just because the band stopped playing doesn't mean the craziness is over. No sooner had the last song finished when everyone's attention was drawn to the large birdcage in which several girls, and a few guys, took turns climbing in and stripping down to their bare necessities or less. The beer continued to flow, and everyone partied until the wee hours of the morning before crawling back to their tents and campers, which dotted the landscape.

On Saturday morning Todd and Summer led a group of riders to the Lion's Club in Urich for breakfast, with proceeds benefitting the Creighton/Urich Baseball Association. Shortly before 10 a.m., myself and the rest of the Cycle Connections crew stumbled out of bed to lay out and set up the area for the bike games, while the Cycle Connections girls Shaunta' and Kelly made their way through the campground recruiting bike game participants. Unless you've done this yourself, you can't image what it takes to measure out the lanes, drive in the stakes, run the twine and paint straight lines…all while trying to recover from a massive hangover due to the previous night's debauchery. Ahhhh!

Shortly before noon, bike game participants began lining up, and those who chose to watch instead surrounded the bike game area. We started things off with the slow ride, followed by the keg roll, tennis ball race, ring toss, ball toss and weenie bite. After the motorcycle events were finished, it was time for the men's and women's keg toss and the ever-popular thong pull. If you've never seen one of our thong pulls before, let me explain how it works. First, we attach one end of a rope to the participant's thong and the other end to a sled, sort of like at a tractor pull. Weight is then added to the sled, and the contestant who pulls the most weight the farthest before their thong rips off is the winner! As with the summer rally, we had a few girls and one guy participate in this event, which made for a very interesting event.

After the thong pull, we presented awards to the following bike game winners. I apologize in advance if we accidently butchered anyone's name, and please let me know so I can make the necessary corrections:

Bike Game Winners:
1st Place Slow Race: Ed Hale
2nd Place Slow Race: Dirty Dave

1st Place Keg Roll: Brian Young
2nd Place Keg Roll: Dave Poage

1st Place Tennis Ball Race: Steve Howard & Trina
2nd Place Tennis Ball Race: Dirty Dave & Shaunta'

1st Place Ring Toss: Dirty Dave & Shaunta'
2nd Place Ring Toss: Jack Davis & Kim

1st Place Ball Toss: Josey Wales & Kelly
2nd Place Ball Toss: Jack Davis & Trina

1st Place Weenie Bite: Dirty Dave & Shaunta'
2nd Place Weenie Bite: Ed Hale & Lanie

1st Place Men's Keg Toss: Darrin Savage
2nd Place Men's Keg Toss: Darryl Krouger

1st Place Women's Keg Toss: Joy
2nd Place Women's Keg Toss: Melissa

1st Place Women's Thong Pull: Shaunta'
2nd Place Men's Thong Pull: Amy

Following the bike games, it was time for the Pimp Your Golf Cart contest in which those who rented golf carts on-site and those who brought their own golf carts decorated them in an attempt to win some great prizes.

Next, it was time to for the Cycle Connections Cover Bike Search. Several awesome bikes entered the event, which made it very difficult for our judges to select the top three bikes, which would be announced on stage later that afternoon. Next to our trailer, Lowlife Choppers & Hot Rods was also busy putting on a people's choice bike show, which had several great entries as well, and their custom-made trophies, which consisted of several motorcycle parts welded together, looked more like works of art, which kicked ass! The Breeze band soon took the stage and rocked the crowd who had moved from the bike game area down near the stage.

Later that afternoon, John with Lowlife Choppers walked on stage and handed out trophies to the winners of their bike show before handing the microphone over to me for the much anticipated Cycle Connections Cover Model Search. Eight beautiful ladies signed up for our cover model search, and as I announced each participant, they did their runway walk to the cheers and whistles of the large crowd who had gathered in front of the stage. After all the girls had been introduced, it was time for the judges to select the top three winners. After comparing notes and much discussion, the judges handed me their top three picks for the winners of the cover model search and the top three winners of our cover bike search that was held earlier that afternoon. I want to thank all those who participated in our cover bike and cover model search, and below are the winners that were selected by our judges:

Cover Bike Search Winners:.
1st Place: Tim Atkinson from Pleasant Hill, Missouri and his 1989 Custom Harley-Davidson FXR Chopper
2nd Place: Paul & Kate West from Lee's Summit, Missouri and their matching custom painted 2000 & 2001 Harley-Davidson Ultra Glides
3rd Place: Ted Marlatt from Kansas City, Kansas and his 2007 Custom Harley-Davidson Softail

Cover Model Search Winners:
1st Place: Sarah Cobb from Springfield, Missouri
2nd Place: Shaunta' Hinde from Blue Springs, Missouri
3rd Place: Mariya Gardner from Clinton, Missouri

Around 8:30 p.m., the JD Summers Band took the stage, followed by the Rally Girl contest. The entertainment that night rounded off with the much anticipated AC/DC tribute band called 'Big Gun,' which rocked the crowd well into the wee hours of the morning.

On Sunday morning, a few early risers rode back into Urich for breakfast, and the Christian Motorcycle Association held a Sunday service and memorial, and it was time for everyone to start packing up and heading home.

I want to thank and congratulate Todd, Summer, and their crew for putting on one great rally; everyone is looking forward to the next Grand River Summer Rally, which is scheduled for June 17-19, 2011. If you haven't made it down to one of the Grand River Rallies, all I can say is that you're really missing out on what is quickly becoming one of the biggest, best, and wildest motorcycle rallies around.

Ride safe, and I look forward to seeing all of you at the 2011 Grand River Summer Rally!

Story Mike Schweder

Photos by Mike Schweder, Stripe, Doc Lonnie Blum, Danny Webb & Nichole.